A Salute to the Captain
by Newgirl78
Summary: Thinking that she's hit a bump in the road with Nick, Jess listens to sex advice from Schmidt. **Based on spoilers for episode 3.04.**


Nick tapped Jess lightly on the shoulder. As she paused to look up at him, he just shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. Giving a defeated sigh, Jess scooted up the bed and curled up next to him with her head on his chest. She bit her lip and reached out her hand to play with his fingers as their hands laid on his stomach.

"I'm sorry. Did I do something wrong?"

Nick pulled his head back and looked down at her. "Hey," he tugged on her hand to coax her to look at him. Blinking back a few tears, she glanced into his eyes quickly and then looked down at his chest. "It's okay, Jess. I'm uh, I'm good. Not a big deal."

"Okay." She whispered softly and they laid in silence for a few more minutes. Finally, Jess sat up, facing away from him to avoid his gaze. "I'm... um. I better get ready for work." Quickly she grabbed her robe off the end of the bed, tying it around herself and disappearing into the hallway.

Nick sighed with relief and closed his eyes, throwing his arms across his face.

_God that was awkward. What the hell is wrong with me?!_

After laying there for a few moments, screaming at himself in his head at what an idiot he was, he threw back the covers and climbed out of Jess' bed. He knew he had to get out of there before Jess was done her shower, so he threw on some clothes as quickly as possible and made his way to the kitchen. With a grumpy, defeated look on his face, he ran his fingers through his hair as he sat on the nearest stool. Leaning his elbows on the counter, he massaged his temples and groaned, not even hearing Schmidt walk in the room behind him toward the sink.

"Hey man, rough night?" Schmidt's tone dripped with sarcasm as he rolled his eyes.

"Shut up, Schmidt."

"OOOh," A smirk came across his face as he turned the coffee maker on. "Trouble in paradise? Already?"

Nick dropped a fist to the counter. "Don't even start. Just make your damn coffee and leave me the hell alone."

Backing up against the sink, Schmidt held up his hands in surrender before crossing them over his chest. "Don't mind me man, just trying to live my life IN MY OWN HOME."

Nick rolled his eyes and spun around on the stool. "You got something to say, just say it Schmidt."

"What makes you think I care about you at all right now?" He scoffed in disgust.

"Nice. Real nice." Nick slid off the stool, shoving it into the counter with a bang as he left the kitchen for his room. He caught a glimpse of Jess coming down the hallway and quickly ducked into his room after only a split second of eye contact, before they both avoided each others' gaze and disappeared into their separate rooms.

Winston, who was following right behind Jess, stopped for a moment between their doorways and shook his head in confusion. He made his way to the kitchen and grabbed a bowl out of the cabinet. As he walked to the fridge, he nodded to Schmidt as he sat facing him with his coffee.

"What's with the two of them this morning?" He placed the carton of milk on the counter and saddled up on a stool to pour cereal into his bowl.

Schmidt rolled his eyes. "Who cares."

Winston raised his eyebrows. "You don't have to be an ass."

"Maybe they came to their senses and realized what a huge mistake it all is."

Winston grabbed his bowl and stood up. "You know what, I'm not listening to this crap again. I'll be in my room." With that, Schmidt was left alone for a few minutes until Jess wandered in, ready for work.

"Hey Schmidt."

"Jess." He nodded briefly, not looking up from his phone.

"Whatever." She rolled her eyes and turned toward the stove to turn on her tea kettle. She stood leaning with her back against the counter, deep in thought when her silence began to pique Schmidt's interest.

"Something happen with Nick?" He nodded toward the hallway.

Jess snapped her head up and shook it briefly. "What?"

"I said, did something happen with Nick?"

She sighed. "What do you care, anyway. You don't like us together, so..."

Schmidt frowned, placing the mug down on the counter. "Fine. I'll admit, I'm still not thrilled. But truth be told, I'd rather have you two running around here happy than slamming things and yelling at everyone."

Jess tilted her head to the side. "Was Nick mad just now?"

"He seemed a little annoyed. I'm assuming it involved you?"

Jess took a deep breath and walked to the counter across from Schmidt, sinking onto a stool. "Okay, look. Nick and I...This morning I tried to..." She raised her eyebrows and stuck her tongue in her cheek. "you know..." She waited for confirmation from Schmidt that he understood what she was saying. He grimaced, then nodded. "And well. It didn't um...work. If you know what I mean."

Schmidt held up his hand. "Ewww, I get it, I get it!"

She sighed again. "So, what if it's _me_? What if it's _us_, you know? Things were going so well." She smiled, a dreamy look in her eye before snapping back to the conversation, her smile fading. "What if he's not really attracted to me. I mean, I really want this to work."

Schmidt took a moment to gather his thoughts, then leaned on the counter closer to Jess. "Look, I've known Nick for 10 years. I've seen him with a lot of girls." He smirked. "A lot"

Jess' annoyance was obvious. "I get it." She hissed.

"So, I can," He wiggled his eyebrows. "tell you things."

She crossed her arms in front of her and leaned closer, a little skeptical. "What..._things_?"

"You know, things that Nick..." He leaned back to check the hallway before continuing. "..._enjoys_..."

"Um, ew..." Jess narrowed her eyes. "But...okay, I'm listening."

Schmidt grinned. "There is this _one_ thing..." He glanced at Jess' anticipation, then shook his head and waved his hand dismissively. "Nope. You'd never do it."

She grabbed his arm and squeezed hard, her teeth clenched. "Tell me what it is, or I swear to God..."

He yanked his arm away. "Alright you crazy woman, I'll tell you. GEEZ." Leaning in once again, he lowered his voice. "It's a little maneuver known as the Captain America."

* * *

Jess' eyes grew wide as she listened intently to Schmidt's descriptions. "So wait, let me get this straight. He dips his...in blue paint...and then he puts it on my... " She shook her head and grimaced. "But, ...WHY?!"

Schmidt leaned back on his stool and shrugged. "It's just what he likes Jessica. You did come to me asking advice on what Nick _likes_ in bed, right?"

"I guess, but...I mean, that doesn't really sound like... " She paused and thought for a moment. "Well, I did say I was willing to try new things for him. This just seems so _embarassing." _ She scrunched up her face and grimaced. _ "_And _messy."_

"If you want to keep Nick around, Jess, you have to learn to let loose a little." He gestured wildly into the air with his hand. "Paint a new canvas..." He watched her closely, a smirk on his face.

She glared at him, tilting her head. "And you're _sure_ this is something he likes to do. He's done it before and talked about it?"

Schmidt just nodded.

Jess took a deep breath and bit her lip. Turning around, she gently placed the mug in the sink and took a deep breath. On her way out of the kitchen, she smiled at Schmidt. " I really appreciate the help. I think I'll surprise him tonight."

Schmidt watched her as she disappeared around the corner and down the hall to her room. He laughed to himself and smiled, taking a long sip of coffee. "Yeah, we'll see how the two of you handle Jess trying _that_ on you, Nick. Loft dynamic restored."

* * *

"O captain, my captain..."

Nick stopped, his expression frozen as the lower half of his body hovered over her face. "Are you seriously quoting a _movie_ right now?"

"Poem...and well, what am I _supposed_ to do to distract me. You just poked me in the eye!" She leaned up on one elbow and pushed her finger into the side of her eye by her nose.

"Why do you need to DO anything?!"

"Is this really how it usually goes, because I feel like we're doing something wrong." She blinked her eyes furiously. "Maybe if the paint was flavored?" She made a spitting noise and swiped at her lips. "I just can't keep it out of my mouth."

"Then keep your damn mouth SHUT, woman." He sat his butt down on his heels.

She pointed to the paint dripping off of him onto the bed. "Well, don't put so much paint on there to begin with!"

"How am I supposed to cover your entire face with only a little paint?" He followed her accusatory finger and cupped his hand under himself to catch the dripping paint. "And what is this stuff? Watercolor? It's all runny." He held up his hands and spread his fingers apart, the paint slowly dripping down his forearms.

Jess rolled her eyes and sat up, turning to the nightstand and grabbing a towel. "It's used for finger painting and it said non-toxic! I don't want to be POISONED, NICK!"

He took the towel from her and started wiping his hands. "Why would it poison you, Jessica?"

"Well it wouldn't if you actually got it ON my face, not IN it!" She grabbed the corner of the towel he was using and wiped it across her mouth.

"Ok, you know what," He finished wiping his hands and wrapped the towel around his appendage, grimacing. "I can't do this. This is NOT working. Not at all. This is my nightmare."

Jess punched him in the arm. "Nick!"

"I'm sorry, Jess. I just can't do this. I tried for ya, but..." He carefully began wiping himself with the towel, sitting back on the bed.

"Well, I..." She shook her head, confused. "Tried for ME?...but I thought that you..." She sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. She shook her head in frustration. "UGH, can you at least tell me what I did wrong? What's it usually like?" She reached out to grab his arm as he stopped cleaning himself for a second and glanced up at her sad expression.

"What's it..." He scrunched up his face and began shaking his head. "Wait, why would you think that's something that falls under a _usual_?!"

She slowly moved her head from side to side, confusion evident across her face. "But I thought that..." She paused for a moment before she realized what had happened, her eyes going wide. She pursed her lips and screamed loudly. "SCHMIDT! I'm going to KILL HIM."

"Schmidt?" He looked at her in disgust. "You talked to _him_ about our sex life?" He let go of the towel and started waving his hands in front of him frantically. "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, JESSICA?!"

She threw up her hands in defeat. "I don't know, I just thought that..." The realization of what had happened slowly hit her, as she felt her face flush under the wet paint. She quickly turned to swing her legs over the side of the bed, planning her escape. "You know what, forget about it. I was a _complete_ idiot."

"Jess, wait." He reached out to grab her arm and she sat back down on the bed, unable to face him. "You were willing to try all _this_, just because that's what you thought I liked?"

"OH God." She leaned to the side over the bed to put her face in her hands, feeling the tacky, drying paint stick to her fingers as her elbows hit the mattress.

Nick moved onto his knees again and gently pulled her hands away, grabbing her face in his hands. She slowly sat up as he pulled her towards him. "Jess." She tried to pull her head away and refused to look at him. "Jessica, LOOK AT ME." Jess slowly moved her eyes to meet his. Nick smiled as she nervously bit her lip. "I can't believe..." She started to look away again, embarrassed, but he quickly moved his head to hold her gaze. "Wait," he smiled. "I can't believe how incredibly sweet and amazing you are. But I don't need anything special, I just want to be with you."

She sighed, slowly looking into his eyes. "I just felt so terrible, you know." Her eyes fell again nervously. "Like maybe I was doing something wrong, or I wasn't turning you on enough. I don't want you to give up on this."

Nick pulled his head back. "Wait, is this about this morning?"

Jess bit her lip wordlessly and her eyes widened as she nodded.

Nick frowned. "Look, Jess..." He took a deep breath, embarrassed. "Okay fine. I had a weird dream, okay. Winston was there, and there was a badger..." He made a strange face at the memory and stuck out his tongue. "Anyway, then you woke me up from being dead asleep and... It's not YOU, I PROMISE you it is most definitely NOT you."

"Oh." She felt her body relax in relief, finally able to meet his gaze again. "Um, okay. So, we're okay, right?"

He pulled her close, pulling her hair off her neck before she gingerly placed her chin on his shoulder. "God, of course we are! We are _more_ than okay. Let's just...maybe we should _talk_ about it before you going running off to Schmidt for sex advice." He tried to stifle a laugh.

She laughed back. "Got it." Jerking her head back, she tilted her head as her eyes narrowed. "Wait, did Nick Miller actually _volunteer_ to talk about something?" Raising her eyebrows, she grinned at him.

"Okay, so don't..."

She slapped his chest. "YOU DID! I'm wearing you down, Miller." She gave him a flirtatious grin, poking him on the shoulder. "You can't resist my adorable charm. Admit it."

He smiled. "Adorable, huh? Yeah, you're pretty adorable."

They both burst out laughing as they looked down at their hands and shared the towel to wipe off as much paint as possible. As their laughter died down, Jess bit her lip and frowned. "Look, I'm really sorry about everything. This morning, Schmidt, ...um, THIS." She gestured between his lap and her face.

He winced. "It was pretty..."

"AWFUL. This was awful."

He nodded, starting to laugh again. "Yeah."

Jess' voice became quiet and she reached out to grab his arms. "You know I want this, right? I mean, _really_ want this."

Nick reached up and tugged a curl off her face that was stuck in a clump of paint and brushed it to the side. "I know that, Jess. So do I."

She nodded, taking a deep breath. "Okay, I just wanted to make sure that you knew that. Because it's been...amazing, and...I only did this, because I wanted to show you that."

"Hey, listen." His hands trailed down her arms as he found her hands and gave them a squeeze. "You don't have to prove anything to me, okay? This is good. It's...," He paused. "Honestly, sometimes I have a hard time believing this is real."

She looked at him confused. "Real?"

"Well yeah, Jess, come on. _You_ wanting to be with _me_? Sometimes I wake up in the morning and wonder how this could be real. How could you possibly..."

Jess leaned forward and grabbed his face in her hands, kissing him firmly. "I'm crazy about you, Miller." Nick just smiled before leaning into her for another kiss. Pulling back, a smile came across her face as she started to laugh. She wiped her hand across his nose and held it up, showing a streak of blue paint. "Can we admit that this was THE worst idea in the history of sex."

"I am SO glad you said it first."

She shook her head, grimacing. "I mean, why? Who comes up with this stuff?!"

He let out a loud laugh, shaking his head. "I have absolutely no idea."

Jess slowly wiped her hands across his face, removing the paint with her fingers. He closed his eyes as her soft skin of her fingers brushed against his cheeks. Jess bit her lip and watched his face relax, moving close enough to kiss his nose.

Her voice was soft. "Nick?" His eyelids opened slowly as she stared into his eyes. Rubbing her thumbs under is eyes, her voice hitched in her throat. "Can I be honest with you for a second?" He watched her intently. "I don't want you to panic moonwalk away or anything."

He smiled. "I promise not to panic."

"I'm scared." She took a deep breath as he watched her intently, cocking his head to one side confused. "Scared at how fast I'm falling for you. What if I _do_ need you too much? What if..."

He silenced her worry with a kiss. Pulling back slowly, he looked into her eyes, smiling at her paint covered face. "No such thing."

She smiled, sinking into him as he kissed her. She started to put her hands down on the bed, when she smiled against his lips and pulled away laughing. She held up her hands and glanced down at his lap. "I think we should probably clean up before things get out of hand."

Nick followed her gaze to his lap and started laughing. "Do me a favor, will ya?"

She laughed, trying to scoot backwards off the bed without touching the sheets. "Anything, Miller."

"NEVER let me see blue paint again?"

"DEAL!"


End file.
